dear xx,

i often questioned whether my mom had an unusually high pain tolerance. when she makes us Korean Gamja Sujebi—potato noodle soup—for dinner, she’d penetrate her hand into a layer of searing steam and go so deep into the pot that she’d almost touch the furiously boiling broth to add the potatoes. when she cooks us Samgyeopsal—Korean pork belly—for dinner, she’d grill the meat in short sleeves and an apron as if she’s immune to the droplets of oil that pop and splatter.

when i try to add potatoes to my noodle soup, i can’t get past the first layer of steam and scream dramatically in fear as i throw the potatoes in the pot (probably more dangerous, i should say). when i grill Samgyeopsal, i put on a sweatshirt to cover my arms, wear my glasses to prevent the possibility of vision damage, pull my sleeves down over my hands before grabbing the tongs, and stand so far from the stove that my arm is extended to a full 180°.

i’ve come to realize that my mom’s pain tolerance isn’t high, because there’s no way this doesn’t hurt, no matter how many times she’s done this. rather, my mom’s wish to feed my dad, brother, and i with the happiness a warm meal provides was more important to her than the pain of burns and splatters.

when i look at her hands, i always finds them dry and cracked, stripped of their essential oils and moisture from all the strenuous activity. could raising my brother and I have stripped her from the other dreams she’d wanted to chase?

although i tell her that she should eat out more often so that her hands can rest, she always refuses. $20 with inflation for a dish she could make at home doesn’t sit right with her. i wish she would listen to me just a little bit, but my mom reigns supreme. because persuasion doesn’t work, i carry hand cream with me wherever i go because the only thing i can do is squeeze some on her rough, chapped hands. those hands that work overtime because her heart gives them too much to do.

if hand cream could be a human trait, that’s what i’d want to be. someone who can soothe and heal.

a hand cream for my mom, and all the moms in the world with dry, chapped hands.

love xx